Zoo bus to hell

I chaperoned a Kindergarten field trip on Thursday with 36 kids, 2 teachers and 7 or so other parents. It was a well-intentioned affair, but it went south in a major way on the transportation front. Here are the impossible-to-dream-up events:

• Hired tour bus #1 makes it 25 miles out of town and promptly breaks down. We must pull over at a rest stop to assess the situation. Adults have to entertain kids for about 2 hours while we await the new bus. We trot the kids off into the woods surrounding the rest stop for some "learning."
• We get on bus #2, which is festooned with xmas lights and is blasting out Barry Manilow tunes. One kid locks himself in the lav for a short while, but we jimmy the door and free him. We make it safely to the Newport Aquarium (3 hrs. from PDX), where we now have a grand total of 1.5 hours to explore before we must return.
• Bus #2 takes off but we are assured that another bus will pick us up. That bus shows up an hour late. And is mysteriously similar to Bus #1.
• We ride Bus #1/Bus #3 for about 25 miles out of town, where it promptly breaks down. Again. Seriously? Adults have to entertain kids for about 1.75 hours while we await the new bus. We now have no power and no real food or water, but we do have a country store. We hang out with country store dude and his dogs, eating slim jims and peanut butter sandwiches. We have to buy flashlights as it's dark and we have no power on Bus #1/Bus #3.
• Bus #4 shows up; a school bus this time as opposed to a tour bus. Also, a state trooper shows up with a flood light to help escort the 36 little kids across the highway to the school bus. Yay for "Spike," the new bus driver and the unnamed state trooper!
• Spike gets us far up the road toward Portland. With about 25 miles to go, the emergency exit alarm starts going off incessantly. The emergency exit door is malfunctioning. We must pull over at a rest stop to assess the situation. The rest stop at which we pull over is THE SAME REST STOP we were at 10 hours ago during breakdown #1. We're now living in some kind of dark cosmic downward spiral from which we might never escape.
• Spike decides we'll just have to carry on with the malfunction, so we drive the final 25 miles with an alarm screeching.
• We finally make it to the school 3 hours later than expected. Teachers, parents and kids burst into applause (and for a few, into tears, to be sure).

Notes to self:

• Celia's teacher is pretty darn cool. And cool tempered. She saved the day from certain doom.
• Chaperoning a field trip comes with risks.
• Due to the aforementioned risks, think twice before volunteering again.